There has been a long pressing need to learn an instrument, and play. To convert emotions to form. I do play a lot of instruments, of course. Whistling, is more like an Id. I don’t whistle in public, I whistle within myself, in my room when no one’s around, in the basement elevator, in the bathroom. I sing too, mostly in the bathroom. Then, there is the movements of the hands, the eyes, some unknown structures in the brain, and other parts of the body. They react when I listen to music. Mostly, in the ego. Nothing sublime, nothing of a melody, leave alone a harmony.
Some of my most creative moments (well, I am using a relative term) with music have been in the bathroom, in the tub, when I breathe, and stop, and be one with the music. The pleasure of slowing down to the notes, can be immense. It is creation. Like, one of my favorites here. That, when I am not passing out from the dilated blood vessels, and the slow heart rate while in the tub.
I do convert my emotions to form, like this post. Mostly, prose. Some attempts at poetry. Again, no sonnets. no *real* poetry.
Today, I was wondering what would happen if my faculty to enjoy, and the nascent faculty to create music, were taken away from me. That would be huge, of course. Philosophically, would I accept and resign myself to the fact, or wallow in suffering until I find a way to enjoy, create music through some other “means”? .
Remember, I do
want have a deep desire to learn an instrument, and play. Have been wanting for a long, long while. Perhaps, a guitar to impress my ladylove, wherever she is. Perhaps, a violin, or a veena to express the deep needs and pleasures of the soul. Perhaps, a Cello in the long long term, to play from Bach’s Cello suites. Remember also that I haven’t really played/created any music at all.
More importantly, would I be able to accept this loss. at all? If I were to turn deaf, would I try to create music by some kind of support, say convert notes into a visual representation, and create? May be, learn Mozart’s music from sheets and try to create my own from such learning.
Even more unimaginably threatening is the possibility of the loss of the intellect. I mean, all I ever do is babble. sine qua non. Of course, we are faced with multiple questions here. What do we mean by the intellect? Would the happiness module be removed with it? Is there a happiness module? Is there a module for the intellect? Is it reasonable to talk about a loss, when the perception of having lost is removed as well. Boy, Girl, I hope not.
There was a certain realization through this series of thoughts, the *reasoning* I will reserve to silence. It is difficult to put that in words, perhaps it doesn’t exist. Just that, I salute the courage of the people who have either accepted their loss or rejected it, and forged new supports to achieve their desires. I salute their completeness, in spite of all odds, in spite of a cruel removal of their faculties. I bow with folded hands at their efforts, and I wish they reach peace. I wish, we can help them reach peace in their lives. I wish, we can find strength too, like them to forge on in the face of loss, and complete our lives. I cry.